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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28147713">Here He Comes to Save the Day</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/storiesfortravellers/pseuds/storiesfortravellers'>storiesfortravellers</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Battle Creek (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Banter, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sarcasm, Superpowers, Texting, Unresolved Sexual Tension</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 16:35:21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,347</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28147713</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/storiesfortravellers/pseuds/storiesfortravellers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone gets a superpower - Milt's is great but comes with a lot of responsibility, Russ has a really cool power but of course he hates it, and the rest of the Battle Creek PD has ridiculous and almost entirely useless superpowers.  </p><p>For these prompts/ideas from skieswideopen:<br/>-everyone in Battle Creek suddenly wakes up inexplicably with superpowers one day (with Milt receiving something amazing, naturally)<br/>-Milt/Russ<br/>-Milt being his helpful, competent, damaged, occasionally snarky self</p><p> </p><p>Thank you for all the fun ideas! I really loved reading your thoughts on the characters!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Russ Agnew/Milt Chamberlain</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Yuletide 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Here He Comes to Save the Day</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/skieswideopen/gifts">skieswideopen</a>.</li>



    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Milt walked into the BCPD, looking for his partner. </p><p>Instead, Font and Funk came up to him, clapping him on the back, and congratulating him on getting both super-strength and flight as his superpowers. </p><p>Apparently, word had gotten around about him carrying a car off a broken bridge that morning.  And the thing about the cat stuck in the tree. And how Milt had carried those kids to safety from that paddleboat incident. </p><p>Great. Just great. </p><p>Milt could just hear Russ’ sarcasm: <i>Oh, of COURSE Mr. Perfect gets the perfect superpowers, why am I not surprised,</i> followed probably by some bitter comments about how the world is corrupt and Milt’s good fortune is just proof of that.  Not how he wanted to start the day.</p><p>“So what superpowers did you guys get?” Milt asked them, mostly just to change the subject.</p><p>“Dude,” Font said, “Read the group text.  You’re as bad as Russ, I swear.”</p><p>Milt wanted to object that he was certainly not as bad as Russ - Russ, just on principle, had refused to join the non-work group text because, as he put it, “I’m not spending my free time sending office memos, which is basically what a group text is, if you want to talk to me then be a real friend and call me -wait, actually, you know what though? Please don’t call me.”   But before Milt could explain that he was not like Russ at all, Jacocks came to talk to Funk about the case they were working on and Font wandered off to call his wife, so Milt figured he would check his texts finally - he had been getting so many from the local press asking for interviews that it was hard to keep track.  Apparently, even though all of Michigan had gotten superpowers in the past couple of days, being the local Superman-equivalent was still newsworthy.</p><p>Milt opened his texts and read, and pretty soon figured out why.</p><p><b>Text from Font:</b> I CAN TALK TO DRAGONFLIES YO, COOLEST POWER EVER</p><p><b>Text from Niblet:</b> I can make my ears grow two inches longer!!</p><p><b>Text from Font:</b> Just the ears or any body part?</p><p><b>Text from Niblet:</b> Lemme check… no, just the ears. </p><p><b>Text from Font:</b> bummer</p><p><b>Text from Jacocks:</b> I can draw hairstyles perfectly!  Like I’m still not good at drawing faces, but I can totally get the hair right! I’m like the Vermeer of sharpie portraits of hairstyles.  </p><p><b>Text from Funk:</b> I can see ultraviolet colors!  Listen, the world is SO MUCH MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN YOU REALIZE, the colors are GORGEOUS!!!</p><p><b>Text from Jacocks:</b> That sounds AMAZING!  You’re so lucky!</p><p><b>Text from Holly:</b> I can stand on one foot for like hours!!!  I feel like I could be a ballerina! </p><p><b>Text from Jacocks:</b> Cool! Do you have good balance now - is that the power?</p><p><b>Text from Holly:</b> Okay, I just tried some of those leap thingies that I’ve seen ballet dancers do and I definitely don’t have superbalance. It’s just the standing on one foot thing I think. </p><p><b>Text from Meredith:</b> I can remember the song lyrics to every song I’ve ever heard. WINNN!!!!  Who wants to do karaoke this weekend?   </p><p><b>Text from Holly:</b> Hey, does anyone know the powers that the Chief has? </p><p><b>Text from Niblet:</b> She can stare really hard at someone and make them confess the truth!</p><p><b>Text from Font:</b> Are we sure that’s not just her regular self?</p><p><b>Text from Niblet:</b> No I’m serious, she’s filed paperwork to promise not to use her powers in case it would compromise the legality of the evidence.</p><p><b>Text from Font:</b> well that’s a shame</p><p><b>Text from Holly:</b> Font!!</p><p><b>Text from Font:</b> jk i know i know it’s the right thing to do</p><p><b>Text from Funk:</b> So what power do you think Russ got? </p><p><b>Text from Font:</b> Which would lead to the question: Who would win in a fight if they were both superheroes? Should we place bets?  Milt, would that offend you? Also Milt, what power did you get?  Something like smelling really good all the time?  Super-handsomeness?</p><p><b>Text from Jacocks:</b> Come on, Milt - spill!!! </p><p><b>Text from Niblet:</b>  Milt? *crickets*</p><p><b>Text from Funk:</b> Okay my wife just sent me this link about Milt saving some kids on the lake - so now we know</p><p> </p><p>Milt sighed.  Yep, probably a good thing Russ wasn’t on the group text. </p><p>--</p><p>Milt finally found his partner out back, swearing at a paper cup in what looked to be a long, half-burned row of paper cups. </p><p>“What’s up, partner?” </p><p>“Shut up.”</p><p>“Okay?”</p><p>“Did you accidentally smush someone with your superstrength today?”</p><p>“No,” Milt said, confused.</p><p>“Did you, like, bump into any airplanes?”</p><p>“No….”</p><p>“Well, la dee fricking da for you. Guess who has a power that’s NOT that easy to control. Typical,” Russ said.</p><p>“So what exactly can you do?”</p><p>“I can solve crimes! I can get to the truth!  I’m a damn good detective, that’s what I can do.”</p><p>Milt gave him an impatient look.</p><p>“Also, fire,” Russ said.</p><p>“Fire? That’s pretty cool,” Milt said. It was, actually. As far as badass powers went, setting stuff on fire sounded pretty good. </p><p>“Cool? I accidentally started five fires just this morning!  What happens when I set evidence on fire? Or a witness? Am I supposed to go to court like, ‘oh sorry judge, I had a really good case but then I lit the witness on fire and then I had to throw them in a pool to put the fire out and then they sued me for almost drowning them’?”</p><p>Okay. This wasn’t the usual pissed-off rant.  Russ was really stressed about accidentally hurting someone. </p><p>“But look at it this way, Russ - once you get control over it - and I know you will - this will be great for interrogations, for taking down someone shooting at us. It’s an incredibly useful power.”</p><p>“I know, why do you think I’m practicing?” Russ said, still sounding agitated but at least a little calmer.  </p><p>“Let’s see,” Milt said.</p><p>Russ scrunched up his forehead. “Why would I want you to watch?”</p><p>“We’re partners, right? You really think my first time seeing your power should be in the field? During an emergency?”</p><p>Russ rolled his eyes. “Fine. Stand back.”</p><p>Milt stepped back a little.</p><p>“No, I said back,” Russ said, and then gently grabbed Milt’s arm and walked him back several steps, frowning with disapproval the whole way.  Milt tried really hard not to smile.  At least Milt’s superstrength wasn’t in the least bit intimidating to Russ - that’s one thing that would stay normal.</p><p>Russ stared hard then at a paper cup. He raised his hand so that his palm was facing the cup, just a foot away from it, and he was clearly concentrating hard for at least a minute.  Finally, he yelled “Fuckity fuck you fucking paper cup!” and a flame shot out of his palm and lit the cup on fire.  </p><p>“Russ! That was awesome!” Milt said as Russ stamped out the fire.</p><p>“Yeah, if I ever need to show a tiny paper cup who’s boss, I’m all set.”</p><p>“But why did you say - I mean, why did you yell at the cup?”</p><p>Russ crossed his arms and looked at Milt like he thought Milt was a dipshit.  Which meant, Milt knew by now, that Russ was afraid that Russ was going to look like a dipshit. Classic defensive Russ.</p><p>Milt put his hands up and said, “I swear, I’m just curious.  I want to know how it works.”</p><p>“I think… I think it helps focus the power.  I didn’t get my power until this morning, and so I was pretty sure that I’d be one of the ones who just don’t get a power - which, like I said, is fine by me since being a damn good -“</p><p>“Being a damn good detective is your superpower, I know, I know,” Milt said, gesturing for him to finish his point. </p><p>“And then I dropped my toothbrush into the toilet this morning and I yelled ‘Dammit, toothbrush!’ and then the toothbrush caught on fire. In the toilet. It was fine - flushing put the flames out. Anyway, when I swear at something, it helps aim the fire is what’s happening as far as I can tell. Fucking superpowers, who fucking asked for them, am I right?”</p><p>Milt stood there, trying to keep his face perfectly neutral.  Russ, stumbling around and yelling at a toothbrush as if it were a person who had disappointed him - it was just… so perfectly Russ.</p><p>Absolutely fucking adorable. </p><p>Damn.  He really did have it bad for Russ.  He’d need to keep that under wraps better. </p><p>And if he smiled at all, Russ would think he was laughing at Russ, so….</p><p>“Okay, if swearing works, that’s what you’ll do. That’ll help you intimidate people with your power anyway.”</p><p>“I intimidate people with my intellect, not with the threat of arson,” Russ grumbled.</p><p>Russ wasn’t usually this cocky, Milt observed. He must be feeling defensive about something bigger than he was letting on.</p><p>“So what happened?”  Milt asked.</p><p>Russ narrowed his eyes, then sighed and looked resigned. “Fine. I almost set Font on fire this morning.” </p><p>“I saw him and he seemed fine.”</p><p>“Yeah, he thought it was ‘super-cool.’ I guess when your power is to talk to mosquitoes, fire seems really great.”</p><p>“Dragonflies,” Milt corrected, then added, “So you actually are worried about someone getting hurt. But... as far as I can tell, you’ve done a bunch of paper cups without any flames leaving the area. So your control is probably getting good already.”</p><p>“Yeah, maybe…. Hey, do you think you’re fire-resistant? With your powers?” Russ said. He looked hopeful.</p><p>Milt said, “I burned my tongue on my coffee this morning, so I’m pretty sure I’m not fireproof.” </p><p>“Oh.  Okay.” He looked disappointed.  A little crushed even. Like he had desperately wanted to not feel scared of hurting Milt.  This really was weighing on him hard, Milt decided.</p><p>“I mean, I’m surprised you’re not happier," Milt said, "As far as I know, people trying to punch or kick me doesn’t even leave a bruise. You having this fire power - it basically means you’re my Kryptonite.”</p><p>“Ha! So you do think of yourself as Superman!  I knew it!” Russ said, mockingly, then stopped. “Wait. Why would you say that to me?  That’s a very un-Milt thing to say.”</p><p>“What is?”</p><p>“Admitting a weakness. A flaw.”</p><p>“I admit that I have weaknesses and  flaws.”</p><p>“In the abstract.  Never specific.  It’s like on job interviews when people say their biggest weakness is that they’re too hard working. You basically act like you’re constantly on a job interview. But you just said that I’m your Kryptonite.  And that’s a very, very un-Milt thing to say.”  He stood there, looking discerningly at Milt, his detective wheels clearly turning in his head at full speed. “Why did you say that, Milt?”</p><p>Normally, Milt would change the subject. But for some reason, he said,  “You know what, you’re a damn good detective.  Why don’t you figure out why, and if you guess correctly, I promise to tell you.”   Milt felt wary for a second - not at Russ, but at himself.  What was he doing exactly?  Was he actually thinking that this could lead somewhere, despite all available evidence that Russ was completely uninterested?  Or was he just a sadistic bastard, wanting Russ to obsess over what was in Milt’s head the way Milt obsessed over what Russ was thinking? </p><p>Milt was about to take the challenge back, but then Russ said, “Oh, I’ll figure it out - you <i>know</i> I will.”  </p><p>Then he turned to the next cup in line, yelled “This cup knows it too, don’t you you shithead little paper cup?,” and lit it on fire.</p><p>Russ turned back and smiled at him, wide, and Milt couldn’t help but smile back. </p><p> </p><p>--</p><p>For months, Russ guessed.  Always wrong.</p><p>Some guesses were incredibly, outlandishly wrong.</p><p>“You were trying to tell me that you loved comic books as a child?”</p><p>“You were trying to hide the fact that your superpower also involves shooting ice, which makes us natural enemies?”</p><p>“You were saying that I need therapy? No, that you need therapy? No, that we need partner therapy?”</p><p>“There’s actually green kryptonite and red kryptonite and you were saying that my and/or your superpower was going to turn me and/or you evil?”</p><p>“You felt sorry for me because I was frustrated?”</p><p>“You wanted to make me feel better about the fact that you’re bulletproof now, which by the way, is not fair at all?” </p><p>“You’re implying that I’m Lex Luthor? Because I’m not Lex Luthor.  Wait, were you implying that I’m Jimmy the sidekick? Because no way in hell am I your sidekick. You know what, I’ll be Lex Luthor, that’s just fine with me.”</p><p>“You said it just to mess with my head?”</p><p>“You said it so I wouldn’t discover your REAL kryptonite? Come on, what is it? Tell me? Tell me!”</p><p>--</p><p>Finally, the guesses died down, as Russ got distracted by other things- namely when he and Milt first had sex with each other (angry, right after a fight, but somehow very tender) and the second time (the morning after) and then many, many times after that.  Eventually the occasional sex and arguments morphed into a relationship that consisted mostly of sex and arguments.</p><p>On their one year anniversary of getting together, Russ finally guessed it.</p><p>“I know the answer.  The reason you said that I’m your kryptonite.”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“You said that because I’m your kryptonite.”  He smiled, victorious, at Milt.</p><p>“Took you long enough,” Milt grumbled.</p><p>Russ kissed him, long and sweet.  “You know if you had just told me right away, we could have started our relationship way sooner.  I blame you for how long we took.”</p><p>“You’re such a dick,” Milt said, laughing. </p><p>“Well, that makes you someone who’s totally weak and soft and mushy for a guy who’s a dick.”</p><p>Milt paused, then shrugged. “I mean, when you’re right, you’re right.  I guess you are a damn good detective.”</p>
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